


Don’t push me away.

by LaBarboteuse



Category: Band of Brothers (TV 2001)
Genre: Angst, F/M, War Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:13:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29823372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaBarboteuse/pseuds/LaBarboteuse
Summary: After having lost his best friends in Bastogne, Don gradually isolates himself and pushes away the only one person he cares about the most.
Relationships: Donald Malarkey/Original Female Character(s), Donald Malarkey/Reader, Donald Malarkey/You
Kudos: 2





	Don’t push me away.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi dears! Hope you're doing well :) This one is the first thing I post here, I hope you'll like it!  
> English isn't my mother tongue, so I apologize for any errors you may see. 
> 
> There is no disrespect towards the real men of the company, there are real heros 🙏 and it’s only based on their portrayals in the mini serie.

Tightening her coat’s collar around her neck to protect herself from the cold as she could, Y/N was walking around the streets of Haguenau, where the Company had arrived after Bastogne. She stopped for a short moment to look at the surroundings, her gaze fell on every man she could see, trying to find the one she was looking for, for almost one hour by now. When Christenson walked by her, she stopped him while putting her hand on his arm to make him stop.

“Pat, have you seen Malark?”

“Try the house on the corner, it’s where the 2nd platoon stays.”

She thanked him by nodding her head, slid her hands in her pockets, lowering her head to protect herself from the freezing cold and headed to the house Christenson had just indicated her. Once in front of the entrance she moved to the side to let pass men getting out, they greeted her nodding their head and she gave it back to them before rushing in the building. She went upstairs to check if he was there but seeing only Jackson, Ramirez and McClung she went down the basement. When she arrived, she saw Babe, Liebgott and Chuck gathered around a table over a semblance of soup. Liebgott raised his head when he heard someone arriving and with a nod, indicated to her where was Malarkey. She thanked him nodding too and went to see the one she was looking for. Sitting on a corner of the room, leaning forward his elbows on the knees and a smoking cup between his hands, he was staring at the void.

“Dear Lord, you’re harder to find than Webster in Bastogne.” She joked while the boys were choking on laughter behind her. 

Don didn’t react, not even a grin formed on his face. Y/N lost her smile and bite the inside of her cheek before taking a breath and come kneeled in front of him, slowly putting her hands on his forearms that she squeezed softly.

He had a vitreous look, that look that only a few months ago was illuminated by that little spark of mischief, that look that had faded since he had lost his best friends Muck and Penkala in Bastogne. He had nothing left from the Malark he once had been, as a lot of men, the war had sucked out his soul, only an empty envelope remained. Donald hadn’t been surprised when the patrol had been announced. No surprise, no disappointment, no annoyance, truth was, he didn’t feel nothing anymore, he had switched to autopilot. Finally, after Lieutenant Jones’ attempts to take his place on the patrol, he had been removed from it. He had barely shrugged his shoulders when he found out and went back with his hands in his pockets. 

“How do you feel Don?” She asked with a soft voice.

“Like someone who saw his friends blowned up by a fucking mortar shell. And you, how do you feel?”

The voice full of anger he stood up and as he did it her hands felt down on her knees.

Surprised by his reaction she stayed kneeled voiceless. She couldn’t blame him to be angry, but he hadn’t any reason to attack her or others for what happened. Resting her hands on her knees she stood up as well, watched him put his cup on the stove and get out of the basement under the dull gaze of the boys who looked at her with a desolate air, making her understand it wasn’t her fault. She followed him before he vanished once again and she could no longer find him.

“Don!”

Annoyed, he sighed and continued his way without looking back, speeding up the pace, hoping that she would get bored and leave him alone.

“Malarkey, stop your ass now!” She shouted, provoking the surprise of men there who turned around on their way to see what was happening. His hands inside his pockets he turned around, exceeded.

“It’s how you speak to a sergeant?” She moved forward irritated, raising her eyes at the sky. 

“Oh it’s fine, don’t play this game with me.” Malarkey’s gaze went from her to the men who were watching the scene and who quickly took over their activities under his annoyed gaze. “As hard and sad as it can be, you won’t make them come back Don. So you’re requested not to act like an idiot.”

He looked at her angry and turned his heels to go back on his way. He didn’t want to offend her sooner in the basement, and he knew he had to get away from her before sending her fuck off under the anger. He had nothing against her or against the others, but he was angry, and this anger was taking precedence over the rest.

Fists and teeth tighten she mumbled before following him, if he thought he was going to get away like this. Catching him, she pulled his jacket by his shoulder to force him to face her.

“Don’t run away!”

“Y/N please leave me.”

“No chance Malark! If you think I’m going to let you mope and brood, you put your finger in your eye up to your elbow.”

“What if I want to be alone? Stop trying to save everybody Y/N!”

Luz who was walking by, a cigarette between his lips, a crate of Hershey bars in his arms guffawed seeing them arguing.

“Go find yourselves a room you lovebirds!”

“Shut up!” They screamed at him in a same voice without taking their eyes off the other. Luz chuckled and went back on his way shaking his head amused to see them fight like an old couple. Everyone could see that they were turning around, except them.

“I’m not trying to save anyone Don!”

“You don’t even realise it! As soon as someone goes wrong you turn around and do everything you can to cheer them up! It’s a fucking war, everyone’s doing badly! So stop trying to save people from a situation of sadness in which they will all inevitably find themselves at some point!”

Y/N felt tears coming up but swallowed it shaking her head. “Fine, then if you don’t like it fuck off, it’s not because you wallow in your sadness that everyone else wants to do the same. Don’t worry, I won’t bother you with that anymore.”

She tried to keep a cleared and without tremors voice. Hurt by his behaviour she turned her heels to join the building where the platoon she belonged was.

Don stayed here watching her leave, he sighed, closed his eyes one moment cursing himself to have acted like an idiot, all he wanted to avoid. He didn’t really mean what he had say, on the contrary, that was the reason for which one he liked Y/N as much. For her altruism and her capacity to give so much kindness around her. The only reason why he was acting like this was to keep her apart because he didn’t want her to see him like this, so different than he had been. However, she didn’t care to see him being so sad, she was not going to love him less because he was just a human. Although she tried to dissuade herself from it, what she felt for him was more than friendship.

Y/N was sitting cross-legs onto her bed, turning the pages of a book she had found in the scraps of the house when she heard footsteps and then a presence near her, she didn’t needed to raise her head to know who it was. There were footsteps of someone who wanted to be forgiven and was coming with hesitant step, afraid of being said to go fuck himself.

She raised her gaze to make him understand she was knowing he was here. Don was leaning against the door, a sorry look on his face. Y/N reported her attention on the book pretending to be totally absorbed by it when she didn’t understand a bloody word of what was written. If he had come to yell at her he could have gone back. He took off his hat and came sit next to her, throwing a look at the book, and gently shoved her to catch her attention.

“You speak French now?” He said a grin on his lips. He wanted to make amends but had no bloody idea how to do it.

“No Don, you can’t say I’m bothering you, yell at me and come back like a saint. It doesn’t work like that.” She said without raising her eyes from her book. Donald winced, it was going to be more complicated than expected.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I shouldn’t have talk to you like that, I regret it. And I didn’t mean what I said.”

Without raising her head, she looked away and then, taking a deep breath, closed the book with a sharp blow, letting a small cloud of dust escape from it. 

“Fine, what do you want?”

“To make peace.”

“I’m not in war against anyone.” He looked down and bite his lower lip, she put down the book next to her and then she took one of his hands between hers.

“Listen Don, I know it’s hard. It hit everybody; we all miss them. Everybody lost something in those woods, a friend, or a piece of our soul, for what was left of it. But don’t push away those who are still there.” She paused before almost whispering. “Don’t push me away.”

Hit by her last words he didn’t expect to hear, he raised his head and looked at her while she was looking at their hands on her knee, his still in hers. Placing his index under her chin he gently raised her head so that he could see her face. His gaze, which was constantly shining despite these dark times, unlike his own, had lost its intensity.

He felt horrible, thinking it was his fault, because he pushed her away as she was trying to help him. He was afraid, that’s why he had pushed her, he didn’t want her to see him as a sad person, someone morose, so different that he was before Bastogne, he was afraid that she would push him away from now on. He really cared about her, she was the only thing to which he was clinging in this war. Through months they had forged links, they became inseparable. But now he wanted to protect her, he didn’t want to switch off her natural light by staying near her with his new dark breaking soul. He cared too much, he loved her too much. But he’d never find a way to tell her. What if she were just seeing him as a friend?

“Alright. But can you promise me something in return?” She nodded.

“Never stop saving me.”

A smile slowly stretched her lips and Don could have sworn that his eyes light up again. She brought their hands together against her chest and came to rest her head on his shoulder as he tilted his to come and lay his head on hers.

“I promise you.”

For the first time in weeks, Don felt something inside him, like a heat wave, that was the effect she had on him, she soothed him. Maybe it is this feeling which gave him the courage to tell her how he felt about her. But his chance was taken away when a whistling sound was heard, both knowing to well this sound, they quickly stood up to go out of the room as a first explosion happened. They ran downstairs to reach the basement but a second shell exploded near the house, under the shock of the impact that spread throughout the building they fall down as they were running down the stairs. Without thinking, Don pounced on her to protect her from a potential following impact, wrapping her with his whole body and tightening her against him. By that time, nothing else mattered anymore, he had to protect her. He wouldn’t have stand anything happened to her. When silent came back, they stayed like this for a moment, she was clinging to him, her arms tied around his waist and her head against his chest, waiting for a second shot that never came. Don moved back from few inches to make sure she was fine and put a hand on her cheek.

“Are you okay?” He asked panic in his voice.

Y/N nodded shaken by what just happened. Running footsteps were heard and an alarmed Babe appeared.

“Are you two alright?”

They nodded and detached themselves from each other to stand up again. Don reached out his hand to her so he could help her to stand up, she took it, thanking him but once on her feet she didn’t let it go. Something similar to an electric current passed through their hands when they touched. Babe, once he was sure they were alright went back to the basement to tell others both of them were okay. Y/N was about to following him, still holding Don’s hand but was slowed down as he didn’t move. She raised her gaze at him as he was already staring at her. He didn’t know how, but he knew it was the time to tell her, if not now after what happened, then when? To his surprise he didn’t need to say anything. Staring at him, a soft smile stretched her lips and he knew, he knew she had understand what it was about. And as he was staring her straight in the eyes, in her loving gaze, he knew she was feeling the same. The strong bond they had progressively forged for months allowed them at that particular moment to understand each other without having anything to say. From now on she would always be there to dress his internal wounds.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it ! Feel free to do request dears!


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